


Happy Birthday

by younoknowme93



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bottom Snape, Business Partners, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Master/Servant, Oneshot, Virgin Severus Snape, dubcon elements just in the beginning, kind Snape, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:55:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93
Summary: On Harry's 18th birthday, Professor Snape arrives with a letter from his mother and a unique birthday gift.





	Happy Birthday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaida171](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaida171/gifts), [469vfr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/469vfr/gifts), [assez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/assez/gifts).



> The beginning is somewhat different from the rest of the story and this is because originally I was going to write a dark harry fanfic with a lot of dubcon elements and I realized that I actually wanted this to be fluffy so... the beginning still has a brief dark Harry moment that I didn't change fully but I tried to soften it some... hope that doesn't put anyone off. If you are not into that, then let me assure it, it's literally over a thousand words in and since this story is more than ten thousand... well yeah lol.
> 
> Onward my ducklings.

The day I turned eighteen I received an unexpected gift from my mother.  The war over I had returned for my final year at Hogwarts.  It isn’t quite time for it to start though so I’ve been more or less living at Hogwarts since the war ended.  It was on the day of my birth, after I returned to Hogwarts from the Borrow that Professor Snape knocked on the door to what has become my room.  He had returned to being potions professor and he’s mostly kept his distance from me.  I let him inside not sure what his intentions were, but trusting him all the same. 

“Professor Snape.”  I greet at least semi respectfully.  He doesn’t respond.  Instead, I watch as he kneels and bows his head low.  His arms silently extent to hold up a yellowed envelope.  My name is inscribed on it in neat feminine penmanship.  “What’s this?”  He only kneels lower until his forehead is almost to the ground.  He holds the letter higher.  I’m almost convinced that it’s a trap before I remind myself that the war is over.  And he has already proved himself to be loyal to the light.  I delicately take the letter.  I’m almost afraid it’ll crumble in my hands, but I open it.

_Dearest Son,_

_Assuming Severus has survived the war, today should be your eighteenth birthday.  It pains me to not see the man that you have become.  I do not know what Severus has had to do in the name of protecting you, but I am sure you will survive the upcoming war, though I am not sure to what expense.  I am fortunate to know that soon Voldemort will come for you, and when I do not allow him to harm you.  He will kill me.  I am fortunate because I have time to plan.  And I have time to write this letter.  Only your unique magic can open this envelop, so I know that only you will ever read these words.  For any other to try, the words will vanish.  These words are for my beloved son alone.  Only your eyes will ever see them._

_I am sure you have had a difficult life.  And I am sorry that I was not able to save you from that as well.  I hope you are strong.  Strong like me and strong like your father.  I only have so little time before he comes, so I must write this all quickly.  I love you.  More than my own life.  I love you.  Live long.  Live happily.  I am sorry that you will know the pain of growing up without your parents, but know we are still with you.  I do not know what wisdom I can impart on you in such little time, but I will try my best to express all the love I can through these words._

_Today is your eighteenth birthday.  You are a man now even though tonight as I hold you, you are only a baby.  I regret not seeing you for all your future birthdays.  But today, I have a gift for you.  I am sad that this will be the only gift I am ever truly able to give.  I give you my most loyal servant and friend.   Severus will serve you well.  Your any and every order, you need only ask for he will put you first always.  Just as I would.  I am sure that you will find him to be one of your closest friends.  If you will allow him to be.  I offer you a warning.  It is easy to let that level of power cloud your judgement.  He is bound by a fierce sense of loyalty and can easily be manipulated if you choose to abuse him in that fashion.  I trust that you will not._

_Harry.  There is so much that I wish I could say to you.  So much advice that I wish I could give.  Hugs.  Praise.  I do not have the time to give you a lifetime amount.  But I can give you this letter, and I can give you an unyielding companion.  I love you my son.  Any questions you have, Severus will have the answers.  I’m scared.  I’m holding you now and rocking you.  I’m scared.  May you never forget how fiercely I love you._

_With all my love,_

_Mom_

He’s still kneeled lowly.  Not even trying to look up at me.  I don’t know what to feel about this. 

“I await your orders.”  His voice is low and submissive.  Almost hesitant and afraid.

“She called you a servant.”

“Yes sir.  I am.  I belonged to your mother, and her last order to me was that I become your servant on your eighteenth birthday.  I am prepared to follow your every order.” 

“Look.  I’m willing to accept that you were loyal to Dumbledore.  And I know you and my mom were friends.  But I refuse to believe that you have ever been or ever will be loyal to me.  You hate me.”

“I will obey any order you give me sir.” 

“Bollocks.  Why would you be my servant.  Why would you even be my mother’s servant.  I don’t trust you.  Even if you were loyal to Dumbledore, you are a cruel mean bitter man.  You’ve been nothing but a bully since I first met you.” 

“I apologize sir.  Protecting you was more important than having you like me.  I did as I believed best.  I am prepared to receive any punishment that you deem fit.” 

“Do you really expect me to believe that you were mean to protect me!?  You loved insulting my father and humiliating me any chance you could get.  You were cruel to me because you wanted to punish me for the things my father did to you!”

“I apologize sir.  If any student with ties to the dark lord through their parents were to see me treating you kindly, then I would have been unable to act as Dumbledore’s spy.  I did as I thought best.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I am your loyal servant sir.  I will follow any order given.  If you do not wish at this point to take me on as your servant, then I will withdraw for now.  But I will never stop protecting you sir until I die.  Use me as you please sir.  I belong to you.”  Use him he says.  I think I may hate him.  I think I want to hurt him.  Humiliate him.  Like he’s always done to me.  I don’t believe him.  And he wouldn’t really follow any order.  I don’t believe that shit at all.  He looks up when he hears my zipper.

 “Then I order you to suck my dick.”  His mouth hangs open slightly in shock and his closed off eyes actually show panic.  “What’s the matter.  Is that outside of the realm of ‘any order’.”  I take my flaccid penis out of my trousers.  Go on and refuse.  Show me just how loyal you are.  He bows his head again.  That’s right.  I have you cornered.  Back down.  Back down, take your stupid letter, and leave.

“If that is what you desire I do, then I will fulfil that order.  Is there a certain way you would like for me to give the blow job?  Am I allowed to use my hands or not?  Should my eyes be open or closed?  Should I only pay attention to your penis, or should I also focus my attention on your testicles?  Please instruct me on how you wish for me to fulfil your order sir.”  His voice is unwavering but his face shows his reluctance. 

“Just do whatever will make me feel good.”  He wont actually do it.  He wont raise to my bait.  We are essentially playing chicken.  Who will back down first.

“Please instruct me on what would make you ‘feel good’ I do not have any personal experience giving or receiving; therefore, I do not know what would feel good.”

“I think you are just trying to put off following the order that I gave you.  I thought you said you would obey any.  Why don’t you just go ahead and start.  I’ll let you know if I like it or not.”  Admit that this was all some play.  Some sick play for a reason I don’t understand.

“If… if that is what you want me to do sir.  Then I will.”  I’m waiting for another excuse, but he doesn’t give one.  He crawls forward like an animal, and when he is within reach of my exposed member his thin chapped lips close around the head.  He sucks for a brief moment then looks up at me.  “I will follow any order you give me.  Please tell me if what I do is to your liking.  I will not know otherwise.”  He returns to sucking just the head.  His eyes are closed tightly and his face is bright pink.  He’s embarrassed.  I did this to him.  What is wrong with me!

“What are you doing!”  I shout while pushing him off of me.  He’s looking submissively at the ground.

“I was following your order sir.  I did say that I was inexperienced.  But I promise sir, if these are the nature of the orders that you wish for me to undertake, then I will improve.” 

“For merlin’s sake.  Get off the ground.”  He lingers for a moment.  His face is washed with shame and embarrassment.  Slowly he stands.  He still towers over me and there he stands.  His hands are nervously fidgeting.    “Why did you do that?”  I fix my trousers and eye him suspiciously.

“You told me to sir.  I will follow any order you give.”  He’s not looking directly at me.

“I didn’t think you would actually do it.”  I didn’t.  I wouldn’t have told him too if I thought he was actually going to.

“I cannot judge a false order from a real one so I must treat all of them the same.  I apologize for upsetting you.”  He sounds like a house elf.  Fully committing to the idea of servitude. 

“Look.  Lets just start from the beginning.  Why are you a servant.  Or maybe I should ask why are you my mom’s servant?”

“I am not her servant any longer.  I am yours.  Even if you refuse to give me any orders, I am still your servant.”

“Fine.  Why are you my servant.  And please don’t say because my mom ordered you too.  I mean why were you her servant.  I don’t understand.  I was raised by muggles so I don’t really understand.”

“As you know there are pureblood families. But not all purebloods are created equal.  Some families are ‘royal’ families and some are ‘servant’ families.  Each ‘royal’ family has a ‘servant’ family and sometimes more than one.  And example is the Malfoy family is a royal family and their servant families are Crabbe and Goyle.  The families that play the game so to speak are regularly well off.  But there are some such as the servant family the Weasleys that refused as such I’m sure you have noticed that they are considerably less well off than other pureblood families.”

I have.  It never mattered to me but I have noticed.  I just assumed it was because they had a lot of children. 

“How does that relate to you and my mom though.  She wasn’t a pure blood.”

“And neither am I.  I am the half blood prince after all.  My mother was a pureblood from the Prince family and my father was a muggle.  I believe that my mother- not wishing to be from a servant family- fled the magical world.  That doesn’t change the fact that we are still from a servant family.  She performed the necessary magic to break the bond from our typical ‘royal’ family.”  I’ve taken a seat and when I offer one to him he hesitantly remains standing.  When I offer it again he sits uncomfortably.

“That still doesn’t explain how my mom came to be your master or whatever.”

“I was trying to kill myself.”  He says.  The level of honesty is suffocating.  “The first time I met her, I was trying to kill myself.  It must have been fate.  She ordered me without even realizing what she was doing.  She ordered me to drop the knife and although I didn’t want to obey her, I found that I couldn’t disobey.  The only explanation is her magical ancestor must have been from a royal pureblood family.  She at that point claimed my family as her servant family.  In the years that we were friends, she exacted her will over me very minimally.  In fact she has only ever given me 9 orders.”

“Can I ask what they were.”  I’m mostly just curious now.  He bites his bottom lip.

“The first was that she ordered me to drop the knife.  I still didn’t understand at that time what happened or why I had to follow her orders.  The second came a few days later when we were talking.  We were just playing around and she ordered me half-jokingly to ‘shut up’.  And I found that I couldn’t talk.  Again.  It was strange.  I just suddenly couldn’t talk.”  He’s fingers are folded together.  “The third order was what told me she had control over me.  She had been very sensitive about asking me questions that I did not feel comfortable answering up until that point.  But.”  He stops talking.  “Do you really want to know about the other orders she gave me?”

“I do want to know.” He clinches his jaw.

“She found me again trying to kill myself.  She was angry with me.  This time she responded differently, she asked me why this time.  And I didn’t tell her.  I didn’t want to tell her.  It wasn’t something I really wanted to talk about.  She demanded that I tell her, and while I was thinking that I could never tell her.  I already was.  And I couldn’t stop myself.  I was telling her everything.  Every thing my father ever said to me.  Every time he struck me.  Every time he… touched me.  I couldn’t stop.  She was my first friend and I didn’t want her to see me as something pathetic, but I couldn’t stop telling her.  Everything.”  He’s not looking at me.  “I also told her that for some reason when she ordered me around, I couldn’t refuse.”

He stops as if waiting for me to question the things that he’s said, but I don’t. 

The forth order came sometime after I explained that I couldn’t refuse her.  It was almost like a test for both of us.  I have a massive fear of heights- one that I’ve managed to deal with now, but when I was younger, I could not physically even climb a tree.  So naturally- with my consent- she ordered me to climb a tree all the way to the top.  And I did.  I didn’t even have time to notice that I was afraid because I couldn’t stop climbing.  It wasn’t until I was at the top that I finally remembered that I’m terrified of heights.  I wouldn’t come down.  I could not move I was so terrified.  So her fifth order was for me to climb down.”  He pauses.  “And I did.  Without any thought at all.”

He slowly waits for me to catch up to what he’s saying before continuing.

“I realized that it only worked for her.  My father would order me to do things and I did not feel obligated.  I didn’t feel forced to obey him.  Your aunt Petunia.  We asked her to order me to do something.  Still nothing.  I was afraid to talk to my mom about magic.  So instead I had to patiently wait for her to try to order me.  Nothing.  It became obvious that she was the only one that could order me.  Her sixth order came the day after we were sorted into our houses.”  He’s quiet for a moment.  “She ordered me to never intentionally harm myself- with addendum.  Some potions require blood from the brewer and other similar things.  So her order was to never harm myself with the intent of harming myself.” 

“That’s already six.  You said there were only nine.”  He nods.

“Most of them came before we started Hogwarts.  Her seventh order was too…”  Again he pauses.  “My fellow Slytherins did not like that my closest friend was not only a Gryffindor but also a muggle born.  The harassment that I underwent because of my friendship with her was more than I care to delve into at the moment.  So.  For her seventh order I was told to ‘call her a mudblood’ in front of as many people as I could.  She wanted me to publicly show that I had no ties to her.  I didn’t want to.  It was the worse order she ever gave me.  I begged her to revoke it.  I insisted that I would rather continue to be refused entry into my common room and exiled from all of my classmates but that I wasn’t strong enough to pretend that I hated her.  She didn’t revoke the order and I carried it out just as she wanted.  She didn’t give me another order for many years.  I joined the deatheaters shortly after our friendship was ‘over’.  I was welcomed easily.  The next order did not come until the night that she died.  I came to her.  I told her that he was coming to kill her.  She then gave me her last two orders.  The last of which was to become your servant when you became eighteen.”

“What about the second to last.”  He looks away from me.  It’s clear that he was hoping I wouldn’t notice him skipping that one. 

“She ordered me to survive long enough to find happiness.  I have never been happy.  I am not even sure if that order counted, but I know enough to know that any order she has given still lasts.”

“How can you be sure.”  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a beautiful silver knife.  I’ve seen him use it during class to prick his finger for the few potions we’ve brewed that required blood.  He turns over his wrist and gripping the handle firmly he stabs down towards his wrist quickly.  Just before he would nick the skin, the tip of the knife stops. 

“Her order to not injure myself is still in effect and likely will be until the die I die.”  He scoffs.  “Until the day I die in a way that isn’t suicide.  She’s been dead for so long and it’s still in effect.  Earlier before I came to you with her letter I was curious if having a new master would cancel her orders.  It didn’t.  I do not think that the orders have the ability to influence mood.  If you told me to ‘be happy’ it likely wouldn’t work.  Or anything to that effect.  I’m not sure if her order to find happiness actually worked.  It’s not something that I’ll ever know.  I’m not even sure if you could revoke any of the orders she gave me.”

I’m not sure how to respond to the very real fact that this man in front of me has dealt with sadness so bad that hurting himself was the best solution he could find.  “I also don’t want you to hurt yourself.  Even if I could, I wouldn’t end that order.”  He says nothing for a moment then he exhales.

“I have come a long way than when I was a child.  I would be lying if I said that I haven’t thought about harming myself, but for the most part, I do not feel the desire too.”  That makes me feel a little better.

“So you really are my servant.”  I say changing the subject because we both seem to want to talk about something else.

“I will follow any order you give me.”  He says seriously.  He looks a little pale.  “Even orders that I do not wish to do, I will still carry out.”

“Look about that first order I gave you.  I shouldn’t have alright.  I’m not that kind of guy.  I mean I wouldn’t force someone to do something like that.  I thought you were just being… and I got mad.  I shouldn’t have made an order like that no matter the reason.”

“You do not have to give me any explanation.  You are within your rights to order me to do… anything.”

“Not something like that.”

“Yes.  Even something like that.  It’s within your right to even give me those types of orders.  From what I’ve read on the subject matter.  It’s very common for servants and masters to engage in those acts.  I have read about the Prince family- my maternal family.  They have had moments of being masters and moments of being servants.  I predict that offspring happened between servants and the masters.”

“Well I’m not going to do that.  It was wrong of me, I was just lashing out at you for no reason, and I don’t really want a servant.  I don’t want to give you any orders.  I don’t like having that level of control over someone.”

“That is fine.  I’ll still be here.  Lily gave me very few orders.  Only when she deemed fit.  You can give me order after order or none.  That is entirely up to you.  But I will be by your side for the remainder of my life.  Trust me.  Don’t trust me.  Give me orders.  Or don’t.  Those choices are entirely up to you, but I am your servant and I will continue to protect you just as I have for most of your life.  I cannot leave you.”

“What if I order you to not be my servant anymore.  Would that work.”

“Likely not.  But you are welcome to try if you so desire.  But even if you manage to break the order your mother put on me, I will still protect you because I care very much for Lily.  She was my best friend and she would want me to protect her son.  So even if I am no longer your servant, I will still protect you.”

“The war is over.  I don’t need you to protect me.”

“No war is ever over.  The dark lord maybe dead.  And his loyal followers are being rounded up and searched for.  But no war is ever over.  You are so much more than the boy who lived.  You are a source of hope.  And to me.  You are my master, but more importantly than that.  You are the loved son of my closest friend.”  He smiles softly before wiping it from his features.  “It’s late.  You’ve had a long day celebrating your birthday.  I believe I will take my leave and give you time to process all of this new information.”  He stands up and bows respectfully before leaving. 

I sit alone for a moment.  My mother’s letter is still in my hand and I read it again.  Then again. 

I’m not sure what I expected to come from the new ‘arrangement’.  Professor Snape- or Severus as he’s asked me to call him- has been more than civil.  He still has a biting tongue on him and he has no issues telling me that I am doing something wrong.  But there is no malice.  There is no cruelty in his tone.  He remains politely aloof with the rest of the teachers, but he sits beside me in the great hall.  Since I am the only student currently at the school, I’ve been sitting with the staff.  They do a good job of making me feel welcome even if it is slightly awkward.

He never offers up conversation.  If I wish to talk with another, he says nothing.  Almost like a shadow.  He’s just there.  I’ve paid more attention to the things said about him.  Most of which he doesn’t deny.  Some of the staff makes comments about him.  Most do not like him.  It’s clear he doesn’t have many allies and he has no friends. 

I asked him if it was a secret that he was my servant.  He simply told me that he has not volunteered information, but I am within my rights to tell anyone or everyone if I so desired. 

I haven’t.

I also haven’t given him any orders. 

I sit next to him during each meal and from up close I’ve noticed a few things.  His hair looks as oily as it always does.  But I no longer think it’s from poor hygiene.  Every morning when I eat my breakfast beside him, he is meticulously dressed and from the smell… I can tell he bathes every morning.  The smell.  It’s something that is hard to explain.  I sit close enough to him where I can tell the scent is in fact coming from him and not the food.  It’s a delicious smell that changes from day to day.  It’s actually a feminine scent but I know it’s from him.  Some days it’s a soft sweet scent.  Other days it’s more pronounced.  There has been a few times that I’ve had to keep from pressing my nose against his skin to smell him better.

What is wrong with me. 

 I went to his room after dinner one night before school started up and he let me inside without a word.  It’s clear he didn’t expect me because he was not dressed how he normally is.  He’s wearing a long night shirt and faded pajama bottoms.  His hair looks different.  It doesn’t look oily. 

“Your hair is clean.”  I say before I can stop myself.  He raises an eyebrow.

“Well I do make it a habit to wash it regularly.”  He crosses his arms over his chest.

“It just always looks oily.  I just assumed that…”

“That I don’t bathe?”  He exhales.  “That is the rumor that goes around.  Not that anyone has ever asked me.  I use a product to protect my hair from the potion fumes.  I brew potions for five or so hours a day so every morning when I shower, I put the product in my hair.  It does give it a shiny sheen but that isn’t something I can help.  And every night I wash it out.  I’m sure you didn’t come here to talk about my grooming habits though.”

“Is that what that scent is?”  He nonchalantly grabs a strand of his long hair.

“I do not like the chemicals in most shampoos and body washes, so I have been making my own for years.  I have many that I change in and out depending on what scent I want that particular day.”

“They all smell… very good.”  I saw awkwardly.  With no food any anything to compete with his scent, it’s very strong right now.  “But don’t you think they smell a little girly.”

“I choose scents in accordance to what I like.  It just so happens that the scents I like are ‘girly’ as you put it.  Harry, you are always welcome to come and go from my rooms.  You have that right as my master, but why exactly are you here.  I find it odd that you’ve come all this way just to talk about my hair.  If there is something you want, you need only tell me.”

“Can you tell me more about my mother?”  I ask.  Because I want to know and I don’t have anything else to explain why I’m here. 

“Please, take a seat anywhere you like.  I will fix us some tea.”  He pours me a cup before he pours himself one.  He offers me sugar and I politely decline.  He uses two.  He takes a small sip before clearing his throat.  “What did you want to know about her?”

“Anything.  I really don’t know that much.  I’ve heard a lot about my father, but when it comes to my mother.  Few people have told me more than the standard phrases of how much she loved me.”

“Well.  They aren’t wrong.  She did love you.  Lily was a frightening person.  She was stubborn.  She had a frightening temper that didn’t take much to set off.  But she didn’t hold grudges.  I would say she was quick to anger and quick to forgive.  Once she decided she cared about someone that was the end of it.  She didn’t change her mind. She loved your father completely.  For many years she resisted his advances because of her protective nature of me.  Ultimately though she couldn’t deny that she loved him for all of his faults and all of his positive traits as well.”

“I’m sorry that my father and his friends bullied you.”  It feels strange to say, but I feel that I should.  He laughs softly.

“Trust me.  I gave it as good as I got it.  I think I managed to scar each of the marauders at least once.  Granted, they also left their scars on me.  It’s in the past.  After all.  Each of them are gone now anyways.  It would be silly to hang on to something that happened twenty years ago.” 

“Last time we talked you briefly said that your father…”  He exhales before I can finish talking.

“My father was an abusive man.  To me and my mother.  I’m not going to lie or hide the truth if it’s something you really want to know, but take my word for it, you do not want to know the details.” 

He refills my tea.  I didn’t even notice that it was empty. 

“Are you prepared for your last year?  Do you have any plans for once you finish?”  He asks.

“I honestly haven’t thought about it.”  He takes a sip of his tea.

“You still have some time.  No one will judge you if you wish to take a year off once you finish.  You’ve certainly paid your dues.  This will be my last year teaching.  I only came back because Minerva asked me too but I made it a point to tell her that It would be my last year.”

“What are your plans?”  I ask.  He smiles.  A small broken smile.

“I don’t have any.  I’ve spent my entire life following plans most of which weren’t mine.  I haven’t put a single thought into it.  I have a small sum saved up that I can comfortably live off of for a year.  I have a home in a muggle neighborhood.  It’s quaint if one is into dilapidated homes, but it’s also where I grew up and close to where your mother grew up.  There are a lot of memories- not all good mind you.”

“I know you loved my mom,” I clear my throat, “but did you ‘love’ my mom.”  He exhales and leans back in his chair.

“I have only ever been infatuated with one person and it was not your mother.  Even that was very short lived.”

“Who was it?  Do I know them?”

“Lupin.”  He says simply.  Unashamed.  “As you can imagine it didn’t work out.”

“He’s a man.”  Severus actually laughs.

“Yes, I’m aware.  Rest assured, I was not serious about him and I never told him.  Though I suspect he might have known.  I’ve never been particularly good at expressing myself to others.  I was even worse when I was a student here.  I don’t think in the history of Hogwarts that there was a student as awkward as me.”

“I don’t know, Neville was pretty awkward.”

“He was awkward as a first year.  What student isn’t awkward as a first year.  I would say he rounded out.”

“So, you are gay then.”  His eyes are serious.

“Don’t worry.  It’s not contagious.  And no, I wouldn’t say that I’m gay.  Or even straight.  I just don’t have much interest in romantic relationships.  I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever been ‘in love’.  I actually try to avoid anything of the sort.”

“Is that because of your father?”  The atmosphere changes the moment I say that.  He sets his tea down and eyes me for a long time.  His dare eyes are haunting.

“That is a touchy topic for me.  I hate the thought that anything that man did to me might be influencing my personality, but in actuality, it likely is.  Love made your mother willing to sacrifice herself for you.  It made my mother willing to remain with a man that hit her more than frequently.  A man that for a punishment would molest me until I became so warped that any touch feels invading.  Forgive me if I’m hesitant to willingly waltz into a situation as unpredictable as love.”

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“You were curious,” then much quieter he says, “just like your mother.  Harry.  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t ashamed of my past and I would be lying if I said that I was.  I have no right to hide anything from you.  During the war it was necessary, but now it is not and now you are my master.  Anything you wish to know, I will attempt to answer, even if it is something I would prefer not speaking of.”

“I think I’ve asked enough tonight.”

“You do not have to restrain yourself on my account.”

“I’m not.  I just understand what it’s like to want to keep personal things in the past.  My aunt and uncle that raised me weren’t exactly ideal replacement parents.”

“I know.”  He says and takes a sip.  “I hated leaving you in that environment.  And I apologize for being unable to do anything about it.  And I apologize for saying comments about your upbringing that I knew to be false.  Such as saying how you were entitled or spoiled, I knew that wasn’t the case but I could do nothing about it.  My role to protect you was more important than either of our comfort.” 

The silence is thick between us. 

I watch his long fingers curl around the handle of the small teacup.  It wouldn’t be considered an expensive set, but it’s decently nice.  Like most things he seems to own.  Nothing is extravagant, but everything is nice enough to not draw looks.  Everything about this man says that he’s not something to focus on.  He’s something that can blend in.  A background character. 

He has an aura about him saying that he’s not important.  It’s almost like he himself is trying to put up that front. 

“You never wanted to be a teacher, did you?” 

“I never wanted any profession where I am in contact with people.  I’ve thought about opening up an apothecary but few would buy from an ex death eater.  Regardless of if my crimes were cleared or not.  I still do not have a good reputation.  And that would still deal with people.  Something I’m not to versed in.  I would be happy to supply the products to sale, but again we run into the same issue.  I am an ex death eater.”

“Why did you even join?”

“The simple answer is… I was young and stupid.  I felt alone everywhere I went.  I hated myself already.  I half hoped that I would die.  But I realized that I didn’t want to lose my humanity along with my life.  So, I switched sides.  I wasn’t loyal to the dark lord for to long.  I wouldn’t say that I was tricked into it, but I certainly didn’t fully know what I was agreeing to.  I just wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere.”

“I understand.”  I say.  Because I do.  “I would buy from you.”  He laughs softly.

“Well you would be one of the few.”

“What if we… went into business together.  I can deal with the people and you can supply the stuff to sale.  I think my unjustified good reputation can counter balance your unjustified bad one.  I don’t know what else I would do anyways.  We could get a small shop and go in on half each.”

“It’s an odd business deal to make with someone this late over tea.”  He says.

“Well.  You’ve already said that I’m stuck with you.  We might as well profit off of it.  I know everyone expect me to become an auror but to be honest I think I’ve fought enough dark lords for a lifetime.  I don’t exactly have anywhere to live once I finish with school and although I know Professor McGonagall would let me stay here until I got on my feet and I also know Mrs. Weasley would let me stay at the Burrow, I really don’t want to do that.  If you can let me stay with you, we could go into business and once I save up enough, I can move out and leave you alone.”

“I know you were left a large enough fortune to buy fifteen homes.  There is no reason for you to be concerned about where you will live.  You were also left your godfather’s place.”

“To be honest, I don’t really feel comfortable living alone.  I’ve never been alone before and it scares me.”  He’s quiet for a long moment.

“My home is not fancy.  It’s in extreme disrepair and not good enough for you to reside there.”

“I lived in a cupboard under some stairs until I was twelve.  I’m not too good for anything.  Please.  My mother said that you would be a good friend if I… allowed that to happen.  I’m not going to order you to do anything.  You can hate me.  And If you aren’t interested that’s fine.  I was just offering.  I have no other plans, and I think I could be good at it- helping you sell potions and potion ingredients.” 

“I’m sure you would Harry.”

“We can be partners.  Everything can be fifty/fifty.  I’m a hard worker.”

“If you associate with me, it could tarnish your reputation.”

“And if you associate with me it could improve your reputation.  We still have this school year before we have to decide anything.”  I reach out my hand.  “I’m not going to change my mind, can you at least promise to think about it.”  He takes my hand and firmly we shake.

“I’ll think about it, but no promises.  You are still young.  No reason to tie yourself to a partner like me.”

Almost a year later we are ‘cutting the ribbon’ on our new shop. 

The press was hard pressed to believe that the ‘boy who lived’ and the spy went into business together.  My friends asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted to do.  And I assured them several times. 

A year of not seeing Severus as the enemy has done a lot to improve our relationship.  He’s a very reserved person.  When it’s just us, he’s happy not saying anything.  Not expressing any wants or wishes.  A summer of living with him- just the two of us.  He has a green house behind his home.  It’s in better condition than the house.  I can tell that each plant is lovingly tended too.  And he has stores of potions just ‘to have on hand’.  I knew he was talented with his craft, but I had never sat and watched him brew.  It was something _ethereal_.  I was captivated. 

He told me that he would let me stay with him but I didn’t have to feel obligated to go into business with him.  He told me I was welcome to stay as long as I pleased.  From his tone, I could tell he was serious. 

And the stories he told me about my mother and him as children.  Some I would ask him to retell me just because I wanted to hear it again.  His smooth voice would be filled with bemused happiness.  I asked him why he hasn’t written any potion text books.  His old potion’s text book that he had edited helped me more than any other book had.  He gave me the same excuse.  No one would buy a text book written by an ex deatheater.  It’s like he didn’t realize he could start over.

I asked him to consider it.  I told him it would help many students. 

Our shop is small.  It can hold the necessary items and customers can come and order items not in stock.  I was surprised how quickly we drew loyal customers.  There are about nine customers who come in monthly to pick up their wolfsbane potion.  There is a level of secrecy.  We keep it in the back and no one has to know about their furry little problem.  I asked Severus why we have so many customers just for wolfsbane.  He had to explain that so few potion masters can brew it so those that can charge a price that most werewolves cannot afford.  I know how much we charge and it seems more than reasonable. 

“They are able to charge so much because the shelf life of the potion is only a few weeks.  The ingredients can be a problem, but they are only difficult to obtain if one doesn’t know how to grow it themselves.  I do.  Our overhead is so low since we are growing most of our ingredients that we are able to charge reasonable prices.  I suspect that as news travels among the werewolf community that we will have even more.  Most are unable to afford regularly taking wolfsbane.”  He raises an eyebrow.  “Why are you smiling at me like that.”

“You could charge just as much or even just a little below the competitors if you wanted.”  He does choose the prices after all.

“What the point in a potion that no one can afford to take.  We make a profit off of the wolfsbane potion and it’s a respectable profit.  I don’t need to charge ten times as much if we are making a profit.  It’s not so much about the money with me.  I’ve lived in poverty.”  He says.  “As long as we are making enough to live comfortably off of, then that’s good enough for me.” 

“You are actually a big softy, aren’t you?” 

“I think it depends on the situation.  The transformation is painful and they lose their humanity.  I can only imagine how terrifying that is.  It’s basically why I learned to brew the potion.  It was for Lupin.  I don’t think he ever put two and two together that shortly after I found out he was a werewolf the school was suddenly able to provide a wolfsbane potion for him.”

“I think you’re a good person.”  His face turns a bright shade of pink and his dark eyes open wide.  “I can see why my mom was so taken with you.”  He scoffs trying to shrug off his obvious embarrassment.

“It was just the bond.  I’m sure she felt responsible for me.”

“Don’t try to belittle how much she cared about you.  It had nothing to do with the master servant bond that you two shared.  She loved you, and it may have taken me a while to figure out exactly why, but it’s obvious to me now.”  I take a step forward and he takes several steps back.

“There is something in the back that I need to take care of.”  He proclaims loudly and then turns on his heel and speed walks away.  I debate going after him, but I am manning the front.  Another customer comes up.  An aged man.  He’s one of the regular werewolves that come.  I already have his bag for him.  He hands me more than normal.

“Sir, you gave me too much.”  I hold it back out to him and he politely shakes his head.

“No.  That is money that I owe to your partner- the one with the dark hair.  He didn’t charge me last time.  I had lost my job he called me to tell me that my potion was ready and I told him I couldn’t this time.  He owled it to me anyways and told me I could pay him back another time.  I always pay back my debts.  I’m really thankful for this here shop.  I wouldn’t be able to afford this potion otherwise.”  He smiles at me and though his eyes are tired and aged, I can feel how much we’ve improved his life. 

I can’t stop myself.  I go into the back, come up behind Severus, and wrap my arms around him.  He completely freezes. 

“Severus, I want you to be my partner.”  Still stiff he responds. 

“I thought I already was your partner.”  He’s too smart to be this dense.

“That isn’t the kind of partner I meant.”  I hear him gulp.

“Oh.”  He says quietly.  “But.  I’m a man.”  He says.  I can’t stop from laughing.

“Yes, I’m aware.  I don’t really care that you are a man.  I don’t think that matters to me.  I just want to be around you at all times and I want to know more about you and I want to touch you.  I’ve never been with a man and I’ve only been with a couple of girls, but I know that I want this.”

“I’m double your age.”

“That doesn’t bother me.” 

“I’ve never been with anyone.”  He says very softly.  “I don’t think this is a good idea.  We are business partners.  I’m your servant.  And you are the closest thing to a friend I have.  If it didn’t work out then…”

“Then we would go back to being friends.  It wouldn’t be much different from now.  We already live together.  I told you I wouldn’t change my mind about going into business together and I’m not going to change my mind about this.  I know that I’m prone to sudden declarations like this, but that doesn’t mean I’m not serious.”

“I don’t think it’s a smart thing to do.”  My arms are still around him and he’s not relaxed yet.

“Severus.  I’m going to give you an order.”  I can feel his fear.  “Just for right now.  I order you to not think.  I want you to tell me if it want to be with me or not.  You aren’t agreeing to a relationship.  We aren’t worried about the repercussions right now.  I just want you to relax and tell me If you are interested at all in being in a relationship with me.”  I can feel his knees shaking and the two of us collapse into a heap on the ground.  I tighten my hold on him as he folds into himself.

He says something so quietly I cannot hear him.  Then he says the same thing a little louder.  He covers his red face to muffle the continued repeating of the word.  But I smile because I can still hear it.  “Yes.”  He repeats over and over.  Louder and louder until he’s shouting the word.  Shame and relief mixes into his features and I let him keep repeating the word as I bury my face into his neck and breathe in his scent. 

When he finally regains control of himself enough to stop repeating that word he’s shaking in my arms. 

“I’m sorry.”  He starts repeating.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Severus.  If we both want this, then we can start slow.  I’m not in any rush.”  I squeeze his hand.  “We are still at work, I should go back to the front.  Just think about what you want we can talk once we get home.”  He nods and I stand before slowly helping him up.  His face is red and he’s not looking at me.  It’s so cute I want to kiss him, but I give him some space.

The rest of the day I’m more focused on my thoughts than on actually working.  I don’t say anything to him that isn’t work related, but I want to hold him again.  I want to make his body shake again.  But until we get home, I’ll give him space.  He can’t look in my direction without blushing.

Both of us find reasons to stay at work later.  Prepping for tomorrow.  Cleaning.  Stuff that has already been done but both of us are too worried to admit that we are both ready to go back. 

When we can’t find anything else to use as an excuse, we floo back home.  He starts preparing some tea.  I take a seat and so does he.  The silence completely fills the air.

“I do not believe it is a smart choice for us to go beyond business partners.”  He says after more than ten minutes of silence.

“Why is that?”  I ask calmly.  I knew he would be hesitant at the very least.  “You’ve admitted that you would like to, so why do you think it is a bad decision.”

“The age difference is one reason.  You are still very young and I am old enough to be your parent.”

“Wizards live much longer than muggles.  In fifty years it will not matter that you are more than twenty years older than me.  It isn’t something that bothers me.”  He swallows nervously.  “And before you bring up your reputation, that is the furthest thing from what I’m concerned with.”

“I’m your servant.”

“I don’t think of you as a servant, I think of you as a friend, and you’ve told me before that it’s not unusual for a ‘master’ and a ‘servant’ to be together.” 

“We are both men.”

“That is something that you have nothing against and I don’t care that we are both men I just want to be with you.”  He’s losing his footing.  He’s losing ground to fight on. 

“Your friends may care.”

“They don’t.  I already know that’s something that doesn’t bother Ron since his sister likes women, and Hermione would think you are a sensible choice for a partner.”  I laugh slightly.  “They are my friends.  They would want me to be happy.”

“Your mother was my friend.  She wouldn’t approve of this…”

“I may not know her, but I feel like she would approve.”  He starts shaking his head profusely.  “Severus.  She gave you an order to try to find happiness.  That doesn’t sound like someone who wants you to run away from something that can make you happy.  I’ve noticed that your mood has improved since we became friends.  I think that you enjoy being around me and I know that I enjoy being around you.  I know that I would be happy with you and I’m certain you could be happy with me.  I haven’t abused the power I have over you, and I do not intent to.  Do you have any other reason to refuse me?”  He opens his mouth before closing it awkwardly.  “What else Severus?”  I prod gently.

“I’m afraid.”  He says as if just now realizing it.  The moment he says those words it’s like he can’t think of anything else.  “I’m terrified.  I don’t want to lose the little bit of happiness I have.  I can’t chance that.  I can’t Harry!”  I grab his hand from across the table.  Softly my thumb rubs circles into his palm.

“I’m not going to change my mind.  You can refuse my advances if that’s what you want to do.  But I’m still going to care for you.  That will not change.  The shop is half yours.  I’m not going to abandon my half.  I enjoy living with you and I feel comfortable around you.  I’m serious about being with you.”  I pull his hand to me and kiss the center of it.  Again his face turns completely red. 

“You don’t know anything about being with a man.”  He says suddenly.

“Then I’ll learn.”  I smile at him.  “Severus I’ve already made my decision.  You just have to make yours.” 

“I’ve never been with anyone.”  He says. 

“That’s okay.  We can learn together.”

“I’m not comfortable being touched.  My father… he… I don’t like…”

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t like Severus.”  He’s looking for anything to latch onto.  He’s looking for any doubt that I may have, but he will not find it. 

“But you will.  That happens in relationships.  Eventually...”

“Eventually you will trust me to not hurt you.  I haven’t yet and I don’t have any intention to.  You are an incredible person I would be foolish to not express how much I care about you.  It’s long overdue and I need to before someone else is unblinded.  You are an incredibly kind person.”  He opens his mouth to protest.  “I don’t know why you are so afraid of anyone knowing that, but the more you let your guard down, the more of you I see.  And I want to continue seeing everything you’ve kept a secret.”

“I’m scared.”  He says again.  I kiss his palm again.

“I know you are.  I am too.  This is just as new to me as it is to you.”  He is looking at our joined hands. 

“I don’t know anything about being with anyone.  My experience with friends is also lacking.”

“If you search for doubts you will find them.  Do you want to be with me?”

“Of course I do.”  He says without wasting a moment.  “But that doesn’t mean I’m as fearless as you.”

“I’m not fearless.  I’m been terrified of most things most of my life, but when you gave me the letter from my mom and I let the information process, I realized that you have always been watching over me.  You’ve always protected me.  And all of the anxiety I’ve held for so long just went away because I knew no matter what I could rely on you.  I knew you would be by my side forever.  I know that you may not think I’m as reliable as I think you are, but I want to be that person for you.  I want to be your safe place.” 

He’s staring at me wide eyes and open mouthed and it’s only now that I realize how stupid I probably sound.  But as per how I always do things, I go all in.  I don’t pull back because he needs to know how serious I am about this.

“You would be happier finding someone else.”  He says after a long pause.

“Nothing will make me happier than having you.  You can refuse me, but you will not tell me that I don’t want you.”

“Alright.”  He says.  “If.. you are really sure that you want to be with me, then I’m willing to try a relationship.”  His words may sound insincere, but I can hear the happiness in his tone.  The giddy feeling in my gut is taking over.

“Can I kiss you.” 

“W.. What?” 

“I’m sorry.  I just really want to kiss you.  You made me so happy I feel like I could explode.  So can I please kiss you.”  Slowly almost timidly he nods.  I stand up not wanting there to be a table between us.  He looks up at me clearly not sure what to do.  He waits for me to lean down and before our lips even connect his eyes are clinched tightly.  At first it’s just a press of lips together.  Nothing but light pressure.  He seems to shiver as he makes a keening noise, and my hand goes to the hair that I’ve been wanting to touch for so long.  He leans into the kiss and I’m too lost in the taste of him to pull back for air. 

It's only when he physically pushes me away and I see him panting that I realized I also needed to breathe.  He’s nervously looking at my lips while his fingertips touch his own. 

“I don’t think I could ever get tired of kissing you.” 

And I haven’t. 

Ten years and I still go weak kneed when I kiss him. 

Our shop is thriving.  So much so that we had to move to a bigger building and even hire an extra pair of hands.  Hermione enjoys helping out with the shop when she’s not busy with her two children.  Ron wants more- he is a Weasley after all.  She’s insistent that they pace themselves though. 

Severus and my relationship was as well received as I expected it.  Meaning… the friends that care about us were happy and the media had a field day.  Some newspapers expressed words of congratulations and others the opposite. 

Severus has certainly relaxed into his role as my boyfriend.  He isn’t against leaning into me in public or allowing me to hold his hand.  Nothing too extreme in public.  Severus is a very modest person by nature.  Something that we had to slowly work on. 

He enjoys being pampered and cherished.  And I enjoy working him to bliss each night.

He was ashamed of being seen undressed.  Ashamed of being touched.  Or caressed.  Or sucked.  Or stroked.  Ashamed to find something pleasurable and ashamed to not find it pleasurable.  Everything had to be done slowly.  It pleased me each time I was able to make him relax his guard even a little more.  It took time for him to associate my touch with something positive.  It took time for him to relax into my embrace instead of clam up.  It took time for him to be the one to initiate sex. 

It took time for him to believe I was never going to leave him. 

He’s laying his head on my chest.  After ten years he still turns me on.  The gentle curve of his back.  He softness of his hair on my chest.  The gentle sated hum as his body deflates against me.  My fingers are slowly pushing in and out of his heat and even though he’s just cum, he’s already getting aroused again.

“I came a lot inside of you.”

“Stop mixing up.  I’m too sensitive right now.”

“But I want to stir you up.”  I withdraw my fingers.  “Actually, what I really want is for you to ride me.”  He still gets embarrassed having me watch him.  “It really turns me on when you ride me.”  His pale face flushes beautifully as he rolls on top of me.  It takes him a moment to get into position but the moment I slide into him his eyes roll back and he moans throatily.  His pink nipples are erect, his erection is flat against his stomach and his candy colored tongue darts out to wet his chapped lips.  I grab his hips and enjoy the sounds he makes when I slam him down.  This is all the encouragement he needs to start his pace.  His hands reach back to grab at my legs.  All of my cum still inside him makes it easy to penetrate him.  Dark eyes flutter closed as he enjoys the feeling of being filled.  He loves it.  Even as his hips spasm trying to please me, he’s doing more to get himself of.  “How do you feel Severus.”

“Good.  It’s good.”

“Good.  I like when you feel good.  There is something else I want Severus.”

“W..what do you want?”  He sounds like he’s in pain.  Sweet agony. 

I pull out and slam back in.  He’s so soft inside.  In and out.  He’s whining needily but I take him at the same slow pace I’ve set.  He wants it faster.  He wants it deeper, but I don’t give him what he wants.  I need for him to be coherent right now. 

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I love you.  Will you marry me?”  I say softly in his ear.  His body spasms around me as I cradle his body against mine.  It only takes another thrust to finish inside him and have him scream his release all over my stomach.

He doesn’t even give himself to bask in the bliss before he’s lifting his tired body up to look at me.

“What did you say?”  He’s asking me wide eyed.  He clearly thinks he’s heard wrong.  I take his left hand in mine and kiss the palm.  There on his finger is a wedding band. 

“I asked if you would marry me.”  His mouth is hanging open as he just nods not trusting his words. 

“Are you sure you want me.”  He asks.  I smile at him.

“Yes Severus.  Ten years hasn’t changed my mind so I doubt another ten will.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  We’ve built a business.  A life.  I want everyone to know that we are together.”

“I don’t know what to say.”  He says. 

“Just tell me you love me.”  I say.  “That’s all I need to hear.” 

“I love you.”  He says.  Then louder he repeats it.  “I love you.” 

This isn’t the first time we’ve exchanged I love yous, and I know it will not be the last.

Our bond may have started off as ‘master’ and ‘slave’, but I want a different bond.  One that we have chosen.  Husband and wife.


End file.
